As I have observed this life experience, there was a realization how weather can influence my "mood" as I rise for the day... and even when feeling ill at night, somehow turning on the light in the room offers some level of comfort. And although this may be natural to be happier when the sun is shining, it felt as though there was something more underneath what was being noticed...
As I inquired in more depth into this observation, I remembered how as a child I didn't recall receiving the nurturing and support I had so desperately wanted. The experience was I had to meet challenges whether mental or physical alone. At night the mind would conjure up all sorts of stories and possible outcomes from what I was feeling or experiencing.
I certainly felt afraid and alone at times ... I sometimes snuck into my parents bedroom in the middle of the night and would lay on the floor at the end of their bed if the feeling of terror was too much to bear alone.
Now however, as I continue to delve deeper into now, what is present as it shows up in the body and felt experience, I realize when shaken to the core in some way the same search for light holds true. I feel the unease / lost sense in the mind searching for a rational explanation of what's going on. I also sense the terror and contraction in the body ... trying to protect itself from being attacked or some danger it senses. When awoken at night when my body is challenged in some way, I search for comfort in light or warmth or medicine.
In truth, my search for the meaning and purpose of life is a result of deeper inquiry into why I was here experiencing these life challenges. Over many years, the search has lead me inside... through the portal of now, and what is present through direct experience.
As my awareness has grown I have been able to observe and experience in greater depth, the feelings and thoughts of the different aspects of self. I brought presence and love to the lost child and other wounded aspects of self. I sense this is a life-long journey ... however, directly facing and experiencing whatever arises has resulted in a greater felt sense of peace and joy... resulting in a deep knowing of belonging, and unicity.
As I wake now no matter when or why ... I feel this deeper sense of peace, while my mind still searches for it's answers and the body may be feeling pain or discomfort ... the sense of well-being is unshakable.
The sun is always shining ....
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